I would like to introduce you to Colette. We met at the AFSP Out of the Darkness walk, where she was walking for her mother. I was immediately struck by her story – experiencing so many levels of grief over her lifetime and beyond – through the generations of family on both sides of her family. 

Colette has one of the most powerful aura’s I have ever experienced. Her energy as a daughter, mother and community member was felt in her every movement. She is such a genuine clear communicator and was not afraid to feel, grieve and explore feelings in front of me. That may seem simple to some people, but so many of us are domesticated to not feel hard things, or we have masks or tells that we use to hide them. I was so impressed with the power Colette used to confidently move through hard parts of our conversation; understanding how important getting those stories out of our bodies is to our mental health. The amount of loss and responsibility Colette had to know so early on in her life, through experiencing so many layers of grief – is such a deep part of who she is today. 

A few photographers notes: 

This session went so easily, my light behaved, and I had very little trial and error and even less work in post editing. The moment her session started rain was pouring down, yet still the birds were ALL over the windows, very excited about the days guest. The pigeons cooed as we began, Colette and I shed tears together, and Richard the seagull flew in awkwardly landing with one foot on the light post, to remind me to smile and find moments for levity. I knew I was being set up perfectly to be able to listen to her story and let myself feel. 

Below are my favorite portraits and a few quotes pulled from our conversation during her session. Thank you Colette for trusting me with such tender stories and for sharing space for us to connect. I am so grateful to have you in this project. 

COLETTE 

“I come from the Tla’amin (pronounced TL-HA-men) Nation and am a descendant of the Montana Little Shell Chippewa tribe on my mom’s side.”

My mom’s name is Lana, she died when she was 40. Me now being 41 has been interesting. We have multiple family members who have died by suicide. Including my mothers older brother and her grandfather. Our family also has a long history of mental illness. My mom’s mom, my grandmother – growing up my experience was that she was abusive toward her own kids and that she was Bipolar. 

It was one month before I was 14 when my mom died. She worked for Western State hospital, which is a mental hospital. She was a registered nurse, and was injured by a patient. She was prescribed pain pills and got addicted to them. Between that and my dad dying – she just couldn’t see herself continuing to live. 

Both my parents died in the month of June. My dad died when I was 11 and then my mom when I was 13. For my dad, his sickness was alcoholism. He would have binges.

“My parents met while drinking, but I never saw my mom drunk. That says a lot. It’s very powerful and must have been very hard for her.”

Alcoholism has plagued our family for generations, starting at 5 years old. One of the first moments I remember after my dad died was my mom saying to us “I will always be there for you” which I think she truly believed. My mom kept working through her addiction, she was so smart and could talk herself out of it. 

Between ages 11-13 I had started to steal my moms weed and was drinking. One day she duct taped me and took me to Utah. I was very strong willed and there was nothing that was going to get me away from it all. I felt like it helped me, put me in a whole different environment. It was a slower paced town, people really felt for me because my dad had died. It removed me from a situation where I think I would have either become pregnant even younger, in a gang or sex trafficked. I was out of control.

I would come back home in the summer to visit. Right before she died she came to get me and brought me back home to Tacoma. She left me and my siblings alone at our house. I was only 13 but had been babysitting them since I was young, so it wasn’t uncommon for her to leave us. I had begun to rationalize her paranoia and behavior.

When she left us she went to Bellingham and got a hotel where she took her life. She left a note asking for her daughter (me) to be called. Why would you have them notify a 13 yr old? The police called my grandma and not me thankfully.

2 weeks after my mom died, I got pregnant and my oldest son was born 3 months before I turned 15. I had 3 kids by the time I graduated high school. I was filling a void. I look back at my own childhood – both my parents tried their hardest to do their best and love me the best they could. 

I work for the Tahoma Indian Center. I believe in getting back to our traditional ways, as living in the city is so different. Having those connections, revitalization of our languages etc, is such an important piece. I see alcoholism all over my immediate circle, it’s so common. 

“The root of the addiction is the trauma. Two people closest to me struggle a lot with it. It’s not just the family trauma but it’s also the historical trauma, the blood memory trauma.“

I’ve tried to understand my own kids’ addictions, which I’ve worked to protect them from, but it’s literally in their DNA (trauma). Having kids that are struggling with addictions, I’ve had to come to terms with the reality of their lives and struggle. I can’t do much and a lot of the time I feel like there is no solution. 

Camp Rosey was created in memory of my cousin Rosey who died in 2012. After her death I found the Bridges program, and remember even going there briefly when I was young after my dad died. It’s for kids that have experienced some sort of loss.  

Rosey dying was the catalyst for me to start training and grief work, so initially I started to work with Bridges. After that I started volunteering with Camp Erin in 2017 and I immediately knew this is what my own brothers and family members needed. 

I kept showing up and volunteering year after year. In 2023 I started Camp Rosey, focusing on intertribal practices. A camp open to all kids 7-17, who have experienced some sort of grief or loss. Its an overnight camp once a year as well as a monthly gathering in the Tacoma/Gig Harbor area. 

“I want people to know that I believe the sharing of our stories helps us heal and helps others. It can make us feel more connected. I am learning this from the Survivors of Suicide groups as well as the camp. Storytelling is healing.“

From Colette after her session:

Having this interview has helped me reflect on the amount of growth I’ve had as a human being. I see that I am not that 13 year old girl and I am proud of myself for having the strength to keep moving forward and to be vulnerable. It also helped me see that I still have so much work to do personally, the grief journey never ends. I believe tears are a vital part to emotional regulation and I am grateful to be in touch with that side of myself, balance is the goal and to constantly learn more about myself and this journey called life.

Recommended documentary: Blood Memory

Learn more about the Tahoma Indian Center and Camp Rosey: https://www.tahomaindiancenter.org/